As I drive around my city, I see gyms and health spas on nearly every corner.  People work out and eat right and do all kinds of things to have good health.  And that is great.  But did you know that being in love is good for your health too?  Science shows a definite correlation between the quality of your relationship and your mental and physical health.  Valentine’s Day may be the healthiest day of the year in that regard!  It’s healthy to be in love and have a strong, secure bond.   

Being In Love Affects Your Health:
The Link Between Relationships And Health

Have you ever noticed that when your relationship is not good, that you don’t feel good either…that you feel depressed, anxious, and maybe even physically ill or weak?  On the other hand, when you are in love and your relationship is going great, you feel happy, optimistic, and strong? That’s because coping with a difficult relationship taxes your overall well-being, while being in a healthy, loving relationship improves your mental and physical health.  The science bears this out. Being in love affects your health. Those two things are connected.

Research shows that people in secure relationships have better mental and physical health than people who are single or in an unhealthy relationship.  But people in a troubled relationship are much more likely to experience anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and even a higher incidence of heart disease, stroke, and immune system decline than people in a healthy relationship. 

Being In Love Affects Your Health:
The Research Shows It

One powerful study that shows how love affects your health was conducted by Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, and University of Virginia neuroscientist, Dr. James Coan.  Their study measured the brain’s fear and pain response to electric shocks given to married women before and after doing couples counseling with Emotionally Focused Therapy.  

Before the counseling session, the women were administered a shock alone, then holding a stranger’s hand, then holding their husband’s hand.  There were small decreases in the fear and pain each time.  After twenty sessions of couples counseling with EFT, the shocks were administered again.  This time, the level of fear and pain while alone was unchanged, the level with the stranger was lower, but when she held her husband’s hand, there was very little pain or fear. This is amazing!

Being In Love Affects Your Health:
Implications Of The Study

The implications of this study on how love affects your health are three-fold: 

We are stronger in a healthy relationship than we are alone.

That’s because God created humans for connection.  He said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” and He created a helpmate.  We are wired to seek relationships and to flourish when we are connected with others. 

The closer the relationship, the stronger we are.

Our ability to handle negative experiences is very low when we are alone, but increases when we are at least not alone, even if we are with a stranger.  But that ability increases more when we are with someone with whom we have a connection. 

Couples counseling using Emotionally Focused Therapy works.

Emotionally Focused Therapy builds a quality of connection that increases our mental and emotional strength to an amazing level.  Your brain’s ability to process and cope with life’s stresses is exponentially improved when you have re-connected with your spouse and are able to communicate your needs in a way that will be heard and you will be given the response you need so that you know that you have a safe and secure harbor with that person.  

No other therapy technique can make this claim.  Multiple studies show that 70-75% of couples who go through Emotionally Focused Therapy experience change, and 90-92% of couples are significantly improved.  This is compared to other therapeutic techniques which have closer to 20% effectiveness. 

If you are in a troubled relationship and experiencing anxiety, depression, stress, ill-health, etc., I urge you to read about Emotionally Focused Therapy, and then reach out to us at SoulCare Counseling to schedule a free thirty-minute consultation to see how Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you. 

Risper Ngumba is a Licensed Professional Counselor – Associate at SoulCare Counseling.  She is under the supervision of Dr. Bernis Riley, LPC-S, Psy.D.  Risper is taking new clients in person or online.