The National Counselor Examination (NCE) determines whether counselor-associates will be licensed for the career they earned a master’s degree and served a 3000-hour internship for.  Typically, to prepare for this exam, a counselor will study for a couple of months.  That’s a long time to study something, but Harvard University has been studying one subject for 75 years.  What subject is that?  Happiness. 

What Is The Secret Of Happiness? The Harvard Happiness Study

The Harvard Study of Adult Development began tracking the health of 269 male students in 1938 (no women because Harvard was all-male back then), finally tracking 724 men in total from 1938 to 2022.  Only 60 men are still alive, all now in their nineties.  The study compared a group of Harvard graduates with a group of disadvantaged Boston boys.  The purpose of the study was to hopefully discover the secret of happiness.  How can a person lead a long, healthy, happy life?   

The subjects became a very diverse group. Some became blue-collar workers, while others became high-level professionals.  One, John F. Kennedy, became a U.S. president.  

The study looked used questionnaires, interviews, medical records, blood work, and brain scans to track the long-term health and happiness of both groups.  It also looked at the interactions of the study participants with their spouses.  They looked at health, triumphs, failures, and marriages. 

What Is The Secret Of Happiness? The Study Results

After pouring over the immense number of medical records and hundreds of interviews and questionnaires, the final conclusion of the study is that the secret of happiness is close relationships. More than any other factor, having close relationships is what keeps people happy throughout their lives. More than cholesterol levels, social class, IQ, or genetics, it is our ties to others that protect us from discontentment, help delay mental and physical decline, and are predictors of long and happy lives.   

People who were most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest and happiest at age 80.  Those who had happy marriages in their eighties were able to stay on an even emotional level even when they had physical aches and pains, while those in unhappy marriages felt more pain emotionally and physically.  Those in warm relationships generally lived longer and happier while loners tended to die earlier.   

This is in stark contrast to the messages that we are being given by our culture.  The Harvard Study found that 80% of millennials said that their major life goal was to get rich, and 50% said another major life goal was to become famous.  The research does not support the notions driving those responses: that money or fame make a happy life.  It is satisfying relationships that make life worth living, regardless of whether you have money, fame, or any of the other things wrongly associated with a happy, successful life. 

What Is The Secret Of Happiness? Three Take-aways

There are three lessons from this study on happiness that we would do well to learn and live: 

Relationships make us happy; loneliness kills us.

People who are connected and attached to their family, friends, and community are happier, healthier and live longer than people who are less connected.  People who are isolated are less happy, experience health declines in midlife, suffer earlier brain deterioration, and live shorter lives.

The quality, not the quantity, of close relationships is the key.

Having lots of Facebook friends, Twitter followers, business associates, and casual acquaintances is inferior to having quality, close relationships.  Also, negative relationships filled with conflict are detrimental to one’s health and lifespan.  But when a person has good, warm relationships, it actually serves as a protective factor against the bumps and bruises of life.

Good relationships are good for the brain.

Being in a securely attached relationship in a person’s eighties protect the brain.  When people feel that they can count on another person, their memories stay sharper longer.  

Those of us who practice Emotionally Focused Therapy are not surprised by this study.  It all started in the Garden of Eden when our Creator said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” and He created the first relationship. Ever since, it has been our relationship with God, others, and self that determines our lives, good or bad.  If we are connected, we are happier, healthier, and tend to live longer.  If we are disconnected or isolated, dysfunction happens physically, emotionally, and relationally and we are unhappy, unwell, and tend to die sooner. The secret of happiness, indeed, is close relationships.

If you need relationship help so that you can enjoy life to its fullest and be happier and healthier, we can help.  Emotionally Focused Therapy is all about strengthening relationships, and no other therapy model is more effective.  I urge you to read more about couples counseling.  And reach out to us at SoulCare Counseling for a free thirty-minute consultation.   

Amber Bezney is a Licensed Professional Counselor-Associate under the supervision of Dr. Bernis Riley, LPC-S and Certified EFT Therapist.  She holds a Masters of Education in Marriage and Family and Couples Counseling.  Amber is currently taking new clients.