Some fear is healthy and motivates us to be careful with our choices, serious about our work, wise with our money, kind in our relationships, and reverent toward our God, which are all good things. But when fear takes control of your life, that’s not good

Most people think depression is just being sad, but it’s actually a fairly common mental health condition. Yet, as common as it is, people often have it without realizing it because they overlook or dismiss the signs.

When your partner has a history of trauma, a simple thing like coming up from behind and kissing her neck can trigger a ghost from the past that sparks a conflict in the present. That past trauma is suddenly in the room, very real and very powerful.

But if saying “I’m sorry” isn’t enough to fix what goes wrong in our relationships, what can? An apology. A genuine apology brings understanding, creates empathy, and creates the condition where we can repair and reconnect emotionally.

Maybe you have realized by now that there are many therapy models used by professional counselors. Every model is based on what is believed to be the answer to the question, “Why do we behave the way we do, and how can we change?” All therapy models have an answer to that question, but some have better answers than others; and none has a better answer than Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Is a couples intensive weekend right for you? Probably so, but here are some things to consider as think and talk about it.

There is an old preacher joke that is all too true. A pastor says to his doctor, “I think I may be paranoid; I feel like someone’s out to get me.” The doctor says, “You’re not paranoid, pastor; I know some of your church members and they are out to get you.”

According the National Institute of Mental Health, 17.3 million adults in the United Sates have had at least one major depressive episode. That is 7.1% of all American adults, with women experiencing depression in a slightly higher number than men.

Men often don’t realize or admit that they are suffering from depression, and if they do, they are much less likely to seek help. This may be one reason why the suicide rate among men is four times that of women.

As long as OCD stays in its lane, it’s not something to worry about. In fact, orderliness and attention to detail is a good thing. My husband is great at hanging pictures, doing taxes, and handling all the administrative details of our counseling practice. And we can laugh about his OCD. It’s not a problem. But OCD can become a problem if it becomes OCPD, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

Sometimes you hear people say, “We tried marriage counseling and it didn’t work.” Their conclusion is that all marriage counseling is the same and it doesn’t work, at least not for them. The truth is that there are many different kinds of couples therapy with varying degrees of success, but one stands out.

When I think about dealing with anxiety in couples counseling, I recall one couple in particular when I first started as a counselor. They had a very reactive attack/attack negative cycle. But because I was inexperienced and not trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, I didn’t know then what I know now: anxiety “fuels the fire” of the negative cycle.

Since God created marriage, the best empowerment for marriage comes from His Word. In the course of our 8-weeks together, there are 7 marriage empowerments that we will give you.

I’ll never forget something Dr. James Dobson pointed out about the priorities of engaged couples. He said that couples will invest tens of thousands of dollars and hours of planning for their wedding but will invest virtually nothing in their marriage.

Except for cases where trauma is caused by a natural disaster, all trauma happens in relationships. Trauma is a relationship wound, and your attachment style highly affects your ability to recover from it.

You have already decided that you need to go to a counselor, or you wouldn’t be reading this article. But which counselor? Counselors aren’t like mechanics or dentists that are all basically the same, so you just choose one close to home. Counselors are not all the same.

Having been a pastor since I was 20, when my wife and I founded SoulCare Counseling in 2007, there was no question but that it would be a Christian counseling center. The only question was, what kind of Christian counseling would SoulCare do?

We all know how birds learn to fly. When the time is right, the mother bird pushes her young out of the nest so they will fly on their own. But what is natural in mother birds is hard for human mothers and fathers. We have a hard time letting go.

I am technologically challenged. When my cell phone or computer starts acting up, all I know is restart it. After that, I have no idea what to do. But I know that I can take it to a repair shop where they can do what needs to be done, and when I pick it up it will be working like it should.

I write this piece as a fellow-struggler. Counselors don’t live problem-free lives. We have issues just like everyone else. One of the biggest challenges my husband and I had occurred in the last year of my mother’s life. I share it here in hopes that someone struggling with a parent suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s can relate and know that you’re not alone.