One of the worst things that can happen to any marriage is an affair. We see it all the time in marriage counseling, a relationship in tatters from infidelity. The good news is that, after an affair the relationship wound can be repaired, but the bad news is that the scar will always be there. The best healing is prevention, and one way to prevent an affair is to understand the subtle way it can start.

As therapists who work with Emotionally Focused Therapy, we see both the pain and power of intimacy. Ironically, love can hurt us but love can also heal us. The bitter and the sweet are in the same fountain. An intimate relationship, when it loses safety and security, can be a torture chamber inflicting pain. But when safety and security are in place, it can be a healing chamber healing pain. That is the goal of EFT.

Many mental health professionals pathologize depression and anxiety. That is, they see these issues as illnesses, which they then label and treat with medical approaches. But in Emotionally Focused Therapy, we don’t think of anxiety or depression as mental illnesses; rather we group them together as emotional disorders. EFT therapists see people as emotional beings seeking connection above all.

Over my many years as a marriage therapist, I’ve seen marriages destroyed by affairs, but I have also seen many marriages repair, reconnect, and recover to become stronger than before. While the betrayal of an affair of any kind creates terrible damage to a relationship, it is not irreparable.

No parent looks at their newborn baby and envisions a day when that sweet little one will experience a traumatic event. But the Center for Child Trauma Assessment Services and Interventions cites a recent study which found that approximately 65% of children experience at least one traumatic event during…

So, we work very hard to avoid anxiety. Yet, there are some good things that come from anxiety, some benefits of anxiety.

When dissociation happens infrequently, during monotonous tasks like driving, listening to a lecture, or reading, that is normal. However, if it goes beyond that, there is cause for concern.

According to a recent article by the Mayo Clinic, the symptoms of depression and anxiety have been shown to improve with exercise.

Whether you are starting your marriage or are an “old married couple,” every couple wants to be in love and stay in love. But how do you keep the flame of your love and closeness alive for the long run?

In childhood, the game of hide and seek was fun. One person hid and the other tried to find him or her. Great fun. But in marriage, hide and seek is definitely not fun.

Even though attachment injuries are painful and do damage, the good news is that research has shown that they can be healed through Emotionally Focused Therapy.

The fact is that all couples eventually have conflict. It is normal, it is natural, it is human. Every human is wired for connection and we have basic attachment needs that drive our relationships.

Regardless, I would agree with the author of the article that people who suffer a loss do experience anxiety. Anxiety is a normal response to the loss of a loved one, but one that should not be ignored if it persists or heightens.

According to the National Institutes of Mental Health, more than six million men in the U.S. struggle with depression each year. Yet the American Psychological Association reports that men are less likely than women to seek help for all mental health problems, but especially depression.

So, trauma is not an event; but it is the brain’s response to what it perceives as a threat to or loss of safety. Because of that, trauma is not a societal standard of what is suffering and what is not. It is personal and unique to the individual. Thus, there is no reason to be too embarrassed to talk about our trauma.

Today we get warnings on our cell phones, televisions, and watches that the signs are there of a coming storm. The wise pay attention to those warning signs. Likewise, there are clear warning signs of depression that it is prudent to heed.

How can you tell if you have a secure attachment style? Here are some of the marks of secure attachment that you will see in yourself if you have a secure attachment style:

We have blogs posted on the secure, anxious, and avoidant attachment styles, which you may want to check out. Here, I’m going to focus on the disorganized attachment style, sometimes also called the “chaotic attachment style.”

In this blog, I’m going to explore the anxious attachment style. Maybe this is you. 20% of the population has an anxious attachment style which makes them extremely sensitive to any disconnection in their relationships.

In this blog, I will focus on the avoidant attachment style. About 25% of the population has avoidant attachment style. Maybe you do.